After almost four years of long-distance dating, Sparta and I are finally closing the gap. Not only are we going to live in the same city for the first time since the summer we met, we are going to live in the same apartment.
The plan has been in the works for a while, but I haven't wanted to write it here for fear of jinxing it. That and I've been pretty skeptical about the whole thing as I've been waiting for the timing to be right for some time now, and it just never seems to work out. But, knock on wood, it's official.
Not only is he moving in at the end of the month, he's applying for a job at the paper. That's right, after four years of barely seeing each other, it looks like things are about to get extremely cozy.
What? That looks suspiciously like a recipe for disaster, you say? Well, you might be right, but after four years, I've kind of taken the attitude that if we're going to drive each other crazy and we can't stand to be around each other for lengthy periods of time, we might as well find out.
At least that's the cool as a cucumber line I've been repeating to myself and anyone else who cares to hear it. However, yesterday I had a moment of panic when it occured to me that I don't really want to find that out.
Suddenly, this cucumber started to sweat.
Oh. my. god. What if I leave my wet towel on the bed or the lid off the whatever and he leaves me for someone who looks just like me only taller and fitter and who doesn't roll her eyes and lunge for the remote whenever UFC garbage is on and always, always hangs up her towels properly?????!!! WHAT IF HE EATS ALL MY CHOCOLATE OR MAKES NOISE WHEN I'M TRYING TO WRITE AND I HAVE TO KILL HIM??????!!!!!!
Once I regained consciousness I figured I should share these concerns with him.
"What if I do things that drive you crazy?"
"Like when you leave wet towels on the bed?"
"YES! Exactly!! See? I already do things that you hate! What if I do that by accident and you break up with me and..."
"If you leave wet towels on the bed, I will move them...And make fun of you."
So, at least that's settled. Now to purchase some earplugs and a combination lock for my chocolate stash...I mean...learn to share?
Meanwhile, my towels are hanging neatly on the hook I installed on the back of the door. For practice.
Any advice from experienced cohabitators?
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20 comments:
I've always liked the "never go to bed angry" thing for couples living together, but since it's nothing I've ever had to go through, that's probably the best I can "come up with."
Let's see, sweaty cuke: it's easy, just treat him as you would like to be treated, and don't start doing his laundry! If things go badly, develop a drinking problem and that should get rid of him.
Seriously, you'll be fine!
My boyfriend doesn't live with me "officially" (at least, as far as my mom is concerned), but he does. I have found it helpful that we are both committed to volunteering at the same organization, but we work with different departments. It's awesome because we are working towards the same mission, but we do different things. In your case, I'd strongly recommend having separate hobbies or friends. It's good to share, but you shouldn't share everything. If you find yourself getting into the same, boring routine or if you're getting snippy with each other, I'd suggest being intentional about spending enjoyable time apart. Get out of the house, get a pedicure, take a walk, go to the library. Just be sure not to smother each other.
Having a second room is nice too.
So exciting! I'm moving in with the boy in approximately one month. Eeep. I'm fairly certain things will be swell since we already basically live together anyway... but what if when I go back to school in the fall he is hurt that I can't hang out with him all the time because I HAVE TO STUDY?
Long story (somewhat) short, everyone has fears. But everything will be fine... you just have to know how to communicate, accept that fighting a bit is okay, and jump in. xo
Oh, that's cute. I guess nothing is easy at first but then you'll get used to it. It's better living near to each other right?:)
So cute!! Good luck! It is about time you guys figured all of this out anyways. You will love it and have a blast getting to know each other even more!!!
Lovelila: That does seem like a good rule to live by. Although it does lead to some late nights talking things out once in a while. ;)
Mari: Ah, what a delightful new nickname! lol. And don't worry, I barely do my own laundry.
Quarter-life lady: I think that will be key for us, especially if we wind up working together, too!
Elle Bee: This is perfect! If our respective boyfriend/roommates drive us both insane or vice versa, we can just move into a mobile home and travel the country visiting other bloggers!
Andhari: Let's hope so!
Jeanneoli: Aw, thanks! Despite my little anxieties, I am really excited that we're finally taking this chance!
Well, I already wrote some brief advice on 20sb. But I wish you all the best. In my opinion, living together is an important step in realizing whether or not it'll work for the long run - despite what our grandparents might say!
Good luck, and yay for good things!
Oh how exciting! J and I just make sure that we deal with things when they come up. I cannot possibly tell you how many times we've both said "I just wanted to let you know, when you do blank, it bothers me, and I think that if we did blank, it might be better". It helps. That, and occasionally we drink way too much. *laugh*
Well, here's the thing-- as a dizzingly happy married man, shackled to a woman who has a very different style of living (see: opening mail and leaving the torn up envelope on the dining room table for seven days, etc, etc) I can tell you that this shit is going to come up. And, when it does, you'll deal with it.
If the relationship is worth preserving, you will preserve it at all costs. Even if it means doubling the amount of chocolate you purchase on a regular basis.
I love my wife. She's always late and is a slob. But I don't give a shit.
If, however, she applied for a job at the place where I work, I would torch myself.
Wow, found you via Peter and this is the first post I read!
We have a lot in common. I was in a long distance relationship for nearly five years. We never got to the living together part (both just so young), but my current boyfriend recently moved in with me. We share a studio and I wouldn't recommend it being SUCH a small space, although he is a lovely roommate.
I look forward to hearing your living together horror stories and triumphs! Add you to my blog roll. :)
Lots of luck!
Randomly came across your blog. Ah, cohabitation!...been there, done that (ended badly). Buuut, am taking the plunge pretty soon again with my current bf. What I learned from the last time is be patient and love generously...oh yes, and still go on dates! Can't wait to read stories of your cohabitating adventures.
I'm not a super clean person. My BF is a saint and cleans up does laundry and cooks for me. Occasionally I will clean and I try to fold his laundry for him and put it away for him. If you guys really care about each other (which I'm sure you do) it's not really an issue. But if something annoys you tell him right away and vice-versa.
I'm about as likely to start cohabiting as pigs are to start flying; I like my space. That being said, best of luck! I know tons of people that live together and have much larger issues than a wet towel on the bed ;) It's been 4years, this isn't a disaster, just an adventure. Besides, it'll make for awesome blog fodder!
I'm not a cohabitor but all I can say is, I share your sense of panic just at the idea. What if he sees me spooning Nutella straight from the jar? What if he sees me watch the entire 10 seasons of Friends three times in one month? What if he sees me eat ice cream as a meal? What if he sees my dirty underwear? AHHH. I cannot even continue this line of thought.
Sassygirl: Are you...me? I have definitely watched all ten seasons of Friends multiple times this year and have been known to feed myself far more disgusting things than spoonfuls of nutella. Peanut butter and mayo on crackers anyone? No? Just me?
Yeah, he's going to be horrified.
I know this was written long ago but he sounds pretty damn perfect.
"If you leave wet towels on the bed, I will move them...And make fun of you."
Is there be a more correct answer? No, no there isn't.
You'll get used to each other and it will be fine. And for everything you do that you think he'll find annoying...like the wet towels...you'll discover one of his habits too. I leave clothes out all the time and Peter is super tidy. When he lived alone he'd put everything away immediately. Now he lets my clothes hang over the chairs for a couple days before he cleans them up. It's win-win...haha. You two will both adjust. Just make sure to have some you time, because it's the easiest thing in the world to start spending 24/7 together and cut way down on seeing your friends.
finger crossed! hope both of you will be very happy living together. btw. you haven't thought what if he will do things that will drive you crazy??? ex... leaving dirty socks everywhere...?
best of love! deva!
If you don't want to marry him, stay living with him. Otherwise if you want to marry him, you have to move out. Men don't marry the cow when the milk is free. It sounds trite but it's true. You must move out. Start bringing LCBO boxes home. Find a female roommate. You won't do it but you'll look back in about ten years and realize how right I was and then you'll lament your youth wasted on this cookie eater.
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